From the Herts &
Essex Observer May 25th 2000
by Dave Bromage
Are Dunmow FC the worst team in UK?
Dunmow may hold the dubious title of the home of the worst adult football league team in Britain.
For the luckless lads at Dunmow FC have failed to win a single point in the past two seasons
The club were relegated from the Bishop's Stortford, Stansted and District League Premier Division with an embarrassing total of minus two points.
Their cause was done few favours by the team's player manager, Simon Gypps, who scored a staggering 16 own goals!
Dunmow continued to plummet this term, losing all of their 20 games as they dropped through the Division One trapdoor. In doing so, their defence leaked 150 goals - an average of 7.5 per game.
Mark Seton, who doubles as club secretary and right-back remains stoical.
He told the Observer: "Despite the fact that we once again ended up will nil points, this season has been a lot better than last as we have been able to field a full side in all games except one."
Dunmow's season comes to a close on Saturday when they hold their annual awards ceremony, which follows what they hope will be the rarest of commodities - a win - in a friendly against Dunmow Ladies!
Seton went on: "We're clearly disappointed not to win any games but we feel we've got a good side - or at least a good group of players - and we are hoping to consolidate next season in Division Two and hopefully get some wins."
As well as suffering heavy defeats in the league (they lost 15-0 away to Alemite Athletic and ended their campaign with a 9-0 drubbing at the hands of Waterhouse), Dunmow crashed 7-0 to Lower Street in the second round of the divisional cup (after receiving a bye in the first round, obviously).
They also lost friendlies against Dunmow Fire Brigade (7-6), Dunmow Post Office (3-2) and Dunmow Veterans (3-2).
Seton hopes that Saturday's match against the town's women's team will bring a touch of much needed success. Their last point came on May 2nd 1998.
"It's either going to be a win for us or an enormous fall", he said.
"We play for the enjoyment of it and keep up the fitness. It's fairly easy to keep up morale as we all enjoy a good social life in the pub after each game.
"With the exception of one game, where we only had 10 men, we've had a full compliment of players for every match. We've even managed to have a few substitutes, which is a new feeling for the team - not that it's done us much good."
League press secretary Ian Ketteridge said: "To be honest, we're so please they keep going from week to week.
"This season when they've gone from whatever the reverse is of strength to strength, it would have been so easy just to say 'That's it, we'll just fold up' but they've borne it manfully.
"Hopefully next season they will find their level. They have to - there's no where lower for us to put them!"
From the Herts &
Essex Observer June 1st 2000
by Dave Bromage
Dunmow's men can't win over the ladies!
Women Worries: Dunmow FC line up before Saturday's game,
concerned that referee Martin Broomfield, front, may be biased
in favour of the ladies' team!
The team have failed to win a league point in more than two years, but even a moderately successful side would have struggled given the conditions under which the men were expected to perform.
With eight players compared to 14 on the ladies side, Dunmow were restricted to playing two-touch football. If any player took more they were promptly sin-binned by referee Martin Broomfield.
Fears that the man in the middle was biased in favour of the woman's team were not assuaged by the fact that Broomfield officiated in a purple polyester two-piece, pop-socks and a fuchsia hat complete with veil! And the suspicions were confirmed when the referee netted a tremendous goal past Dunmow keeper Steve Sales.
As you can probably guess, the game was taken less seriously than their previous defeats. As reported last week, Dunmow were relegated from the Bishop's Stortford, Stansted and District League Premier division in the 1998/99 season with an embarrassing total of minus two points.
This year, they dropped down again after losing all of their 20 league games, conceding 150 gaols in the process.
Of Saturday's match with the ladies, club secretary Mark Seton told the Observer: "It was very entertaining in spite of the weather. We even had a few down to watch.
"We do usually try to win but this occasion was a bit different. It was just a good laugh"
The match preceded the clubs annual awards night, at which midfielder Craig Callingham picked up the Player's Player of the Year and Chris Riley received the Manager's Player of the Year trophy.
Dunmow will start next season in division two - the bottom division - of the Bishop's Stortford, Stansted and District League keen to improve on their past two campaigns.
"Hopefully, we will do better next year" Seton said. "If we could just win a game that would be brilliant!"
